Sunday, January 20, 2008

Hypothetical Exercises in Fuel Systems Management

Let's say a certain somebody, let's call him Shmerb, declared that the services of a certain drug rehabilitation center, let's call it the Shmopiate Shmaddiction Unit, were insufficiently reliant on the lessons and theories of the bible and the prophets going back to Abraham. So Shmerb, in his abundant biblical wisdom, declared that a certain jet pack development organization would no longer pay the health insurance premiums for its Director of Fuel Systems, who was subsequently forced to sign himself out from the Smopiate Shmaddiction Unit, where he was undergoing much-needed treatment for an all-consuming addiction to Shmeroin. That Director of Fuel Systems is instead now supposed to rely on the "light of the Lord, as experienced through sustained sessions of prayer and silent reflection, to rid yourself of this terrible, heathen addition, borne of Satan himself."

Entirely unrelated to the preceding hypothetical exercise, I have returned from my educational hiatus to my position as Director of Fuel Systems at Project Jet Pack. Despite the unqualified success of the previous fuel system design, I have been tasked with designing an injector arrangement with lower potential blast disintegration, and I have been experimenting to that end.

One might ask if there is any scientific basis for diluting jet pack jet fuel with human urine. The answer to that question is this: when you dilute the jet fuel with something free, you then have extra jet fuel which you could, if you so chose, sell to someone else. What would one sell siphoned jet fuel for? Hypothethically? Well, it's hard to say. But, since we're just speculating, I suppose you could, hypothetically, trade jet fuel for shmeroin.

Lots and lots of shmeroin.

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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Project Jet Pack Successfully Concludes Region-Wide Jet Pack Road Show

IOWA CITY, Iowa--(BUSINESS WIRE)--January 15, 2008--

Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack today announced the successful conclusion of its region-wide investor's road show. The road show saw capacity crowds in places as far north as Owatonna, Minnesota, and also made stops at locations as diverse as the Jesus Christ Baptist Church of Ord in Ord, Nebraska, and Christ's Muscatine Baptist Church in Muscatine, Iowa.

Attendees of the road show were enthralled by Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's account of Project Jet Pack's successful test launch of the prototype Haeftaeman™/Bell Aerosystems Design Medical Lift-Response Jet Pack, and investors rushed to contribute substantial sums to finance subsequent rounds of development and testing.

At the end of the final road show at the First Waterloo Baptist Church of the Lord Jesus in Waterloo, Iowa, Dr. Shrum addressed reporters covering the event with the following closing statement:

"With the good Lord's help, Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack, and I, Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum, can now offer you, the believers, the opportunity to take part in bringing solitary flight solutions to the ordinary Americans that need them. In doing so, we can guarantee a return of 100 percent on your investment. God is on our side in bringing about this major advancement, which is why Project Jet Pack can promise that it will, at a minimum, double your money within one year. One year, one hundred percent! That's better than any old Googly Yahoo stock or Treasury Bond. With your prayers, that's our pledge to you."

For investor opportunities with Project Jet Pack, please contact dr.shrum@projectjetpack.com. Please note that Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack does not guarantee any rate of return, refund of principal, or written receipt of investment.

MEDIA CONTACT:
McGerbert & Associates Public Relations
Herbert F. McGerbert
Managing Partner
44 120th St. NW
Swisher, IA 52338
pr@projectjetpack.com
http://www.projectjetpack.com/

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