Bonus Mail Bag

In the Project Jet Pack Blog Mail Bag, Dr. Shrum answers the questions of PJP blog readers just like you. If you have a question for Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum, please send an e-mail to dr.shrum@projectjetpack.com.

From: bzzaldrn@*****.com
To: dr.shrum@projectjetpack.com
Subject: re: Test Pilots

Dr. Shrum,

Although my wife's cooking could facilitate some modest weight gain, I regret that I would not be able to achieve the overall weight increase necessary for me to qualify for the jetpack test pilot program. I would like to offer, instead, to gain 100 pounds and strap another volunteer in front of me - my neighbor, actually, who has always been kind enough to help me out whenever I've needed assistance. I am certain that with minor jetpack thrust vector adjustment, the necessary compensation can be made for the center of gravity shift.

Thank you once again for your correspondence.

Edwin Aldrin, Jr.

Dear Mr. Aldrin,

I pray that it is the Lord's grace that fuels your persistence and not some other nefarious power, such as those suppressive evildoers from the so-called Great Lake State who could only wish to so easily infiltrate this God-fearing enterprise for their own iniquitous purposes. Tell me Mr. Aldrin, are you now or have you ever been a member of the Michigan Department of Attorney General? Have you taken as your own their peccant aims? Have you forsaken God, Country, and Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack for the fruits of their empty promises?

You claim to have a background in astronautics, but in my nearly two decades as America's foremost expert on jet propulsion, I can say that I have never heard of you. I have studied at some of this nation's premier aeronautical engineering universities such as Trinity Southern University, have taught many hundreds in that same subject, and not once has your name come up in conversations of Jesus-inspired flight solutions. Your moniker in fact reads to these eyes as an alias concocted by the Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox and his sniveling minion, Charles Vilsap, to gain for themselves the secrets that belong only to Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack and myself, Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum.

How else to explain your obscene proposal to strap yourself to another human being. Such proximity to another body can only result in unclean thoughts and unnatural acts, and is expressly proscribed by the Bible. Pursuant to proper Baptist teachings, you may come into torso-to-torso contact only with a woman to whom you are married in the eyes of Jesus, or with a beloved sibling such as my tragically deceased sister Jennifer. Your offer to not only bind yourself to an unrelated neighbor, but to do so at super-sonic speeds, is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord.

I shudder to think what kind of "assistance" this neighbor of yours has rendered you in the past. My advice to you is to think less about flying and more about the salvation of your soul through prayer and silent reflection. To that end, I refer you to the forthcoming book from eminent Baptist scholar Herbert F. McGerbert, Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum: Figurative Gorge, Literal Sky - How Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum Found the Lord, Redeemed His Life, and Saved the Soul of America.

Peace, Love & the Good Lord's Grace to You,

Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum

From: bzzaldrn@*****.com
To: dr.shrum@projectjetpack.com
Subject: re: Test Pilots

Dr. Shrum,

I can assure you that my aims and the means to achieve those ends are
pure and based solely in the virtuous and patriotic pursuit of the
advancement of science. I have taken the precaution of designing into
my proposed dual-passenger system a 50mm thick cushion between myself
and my volunteer so as to avoid any unintentional stimulation.

And your lack of awareness about my past exploits is disturbing to
me. If it weren't for my professional courtesy toward fellow
aerophysicists, I'd be tempted to punch you in the face. Say-y-y-y...
I'm beginning to wonder whether you are really who you claim to be.
I'm thinking that you are either a religious zealot masquerading as a
scientist...
...or a scientist masquerading as a religious zealot.

Regards,

Edwin Aldrin, Jr.

Dear Mr. Aldrin,

I believe my credentials speak for themselves, while your unvarnished threats of violence belie an unambiguous bias in favor of certain nefarious so-called "legal" authorities. In fact, rigorous scientific testing by my team has conclusively disproved your claim to be some sort of scientific expert. In a controlled setting, the Project Jet Pack team tested various cushion thicknesses between two human bodies, and full penile stimulation was achieved in cushions as thick as 1050mm, more than 20 times as thick as the cushion you proposed to use with your "volunteer." The risk of such stimulation occurring in flight, as you proposed, are staggering, and one can hardly imagine the consequences of such impurity combining with the supersonic speeds enabled by PJP technologies. An

abomination! Christian dictates are clear, as have become your intentions.

I can assure you, your savage bluster will not intimate Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack nor its founder, myself, Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum. Due to the sensitive nature of our proprietary technologies, Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack employs the best security services available, headed by our Director of Security, Herbert F. McGerbert, who is also an ordained baptist deacon. This case has already been referred to Mr. McGerbert. In the dark of night, when you least expect it, Mr. McGerbert will pay you a visit, and then we shall see the true measure of your soul.

We know where you live.

Peace, Love, Grace, and the Good Lord's Judgment Upon You,
Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum

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Mail Bag

In the Project Jet Pack Blog Mail Bag, Dr. Shrum answers the questions of PJP blog readers just like you. If you have a question for Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum, please send an e-mail to dr.shrum@projectjetpack.com.

From: bzzaldrn@*****.com
To: dr.shrum@projectjetpack.com
Subject: Test Pilots

Dr. Shrum,

I have a background in astronautics, having spent a lengthy career as a pilot in various capacities. Although I am an older American, I feel that I still have something to contribute to the cause of aeronautic research. Do you have an age limitation for applications to become test pilots in your upcoming jetpack research studies?

Thank you in advance for your response.

Edwin Aldrin, Jr.

Dear Mr. Aldrin,

I thank you for your interest in doing the Lord's work through Dr. Jacob Robert's Shrum's Project Jet Pack. I can assure you, Project Jet Pack would never discriminate on the basis of age. In fact, my scientific research has proven conclusively that God's love accretes in our bodies over time in the form of medichlorians, which are the products of intense prayer and silent reflection. So the older you get (provided you spend your years in tune with Jesus' Baptist teachings), the better able you become to participate in Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack.

Unfortunately, to be eligible to be a PJP test pilot, you must have a body mass of at least 250 kilograms, which I fear disqualifies you. Under- and average-weight Americans simply have no need for a medical lift response solitary flight solution. I wish you the Lord Jesus' light in all your future endeavors.

Peace & Love,
Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum

Michigan Department of Attorney General
6 Penn Plaza Building
Petoskey, MI 49770

May 9, 2008

Mr. Jacob R. Shrum
Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack
44 120th St. NW
Swisher, IA 52338

RE: MI-AG Investigation No. 49031A - "Project Jet Pack"

Dear Mr. Shrum,

The Office of the Attorney General of the State of Michigan is conducting an inquiry into purported scientific testing conducted by your organization in this state on July 5, 2007. Public complaints led to an inquiry by a task force consisting of officers from the Michigan State Police and Department of Natural Resources. This inquiry uncovered and documented evidence of an unauthorized explosion near the Gogebic Gorge, and the unlawful mutilation of a human corpse.

Your organization, fashioning itself as "Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack," may be in violation of several provisions of the Michigan Penal Code, including Mich. Comp. Laws § 750.160 (mutilation and defacement of a human body); Mich. Comp. Laws § 750.160(c) (failure to properly dispose of dead human body); and Mich. Comp. Laws § 339.1805 (unlicensed handling of a dead human body). A felony conviction under any of these provisions carries a $50,000 fine and up to ten years in prison.

In accordance with the enclosed subpoena, you are required to produce to this office by June 1, 2008 all records concerning the explosion that occurred on or about July 5, 2007 within the borders of the State of Michigan, the identity of the corpse, portions of which were found at the site of this explosion, and a written account of the events of that day. Furthermore, this office has been unable to find any record of incorporation or non-profit status for "Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack." Please provide the taxpayer ID and any other names by which your organization is known.

Sincerely,

[Signature]
Charles Vilsap
Assistant Attorney General

Dear Mr. Vilsap,

Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack will assist you in this investigation in any way it can. To that end, I can assure you, everything you have been told is a lie. Accordingly, this organization will not be producing any documents to the government. There is much too much of the Lord's work to be done for us to spend our time responding to every baseless allegation directed at us by those with questionable motives, who persecute believers such as ourselves.

Peace, Love & the Lord's Light to You,
Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum

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Excerpt from the Much Anticipated JRS Biography

Herbert Fabian McGerbert, award-winning author of The McGerbert & Associates website and the informative pamphlet "Isn't It Time for a Change?: How the Christ-Inspired Technologies of McGerbert & Associates Can Fulfill Your PR Needs", has announced the completion of the first official, authorized biography of jet pack pioneer Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum, titled "Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum: Figurative Gorge, Literal Sky - How Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum Found the Lord, Redeemed His Life, and Saved the Soul of America." Leading up to its release, ProjectJetPack.com will be publishing exclusive excerpts from this seminal work.

Chapter 3: A Destiny Presaged

The sun bore down on the crackling-dry Iowa plains. JRS may have already become the youngest-ever Uber-Flight Eagle Scout (the secret, highest rank of Boy Scout that only the most-trusted of Scout Masters are told about), but at age 14, he remained full of restless energy: a boundless, unquenchable curiosity about the true meaning of life. He traveled the plains with a scientist's fastidiousness but a mystic's insight, in a single day both discovering a new species of Great Plains butterfly (which he classified as flius buterflius), and intuiting that new species' intelligent design ("ID") from a rare form of plains clay (which he was also the first to discover). It was on one of these nature walks that JRS met a mysterious fellow who was known by the pseudonym Reginald McClatchkey, a seven-foot tall, fire-haired, oft-misunderstood wanderer. JRS's sharp mind was able to quickly deduce that McClatchkey was more than he appeared because McClatchkey in fact told JRS as much, as it was clear that JRS could be trusted above all others. McClatchkey was in fact the last surviving member of a banished Viking-Israelite tribe called the Esante that had settled the lands of Iowa long before the Indians. JRS intuited that McClatchkey was not the prurient malefactor others took him for - he was Norsekund Liefericson, the famed, if little known, Esante medicine man. Norsekund took the young JRS under his wing, but soon the young Iowan became an equal, and then the teacher. Norsekund even made JRS an Esante brother with the sacred Scoediemae blood ritual of the Esante people, an exceedingly rare honor for those not born with Israelite-Viking blood.

By the time Norsekund Liefericson had been tracked successfully by Canadian law enforcement (with the help of U.S. Marshalls), JRS was in full possession of all Esante secrets, developed over the centuries by that ancient people. But what is a flight-inclined youth to do with that knowledge? Could it be harnessed to Save the Soul of America?

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Mail Bag

In the newest feature on Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack Blog, Dr. Shrum answers the questions of PJP blog readers. If you have a question for Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum, please send an e-mail to dr.shrum@projectjetpack.com.

From: rdominguez@*****.edu
To: dr.shrum@projectjetpack.com
Subject: Effective Exhaust Velocity

Dear Mr. Shrum,
I'm part of a group of engineers here at the University of ******** developing a rocket for entry into the next phase of the X-Prize private space-travel competition. I recently read a report that you have successfully tested a rocket prototype, and was hoping you could settle a dispute among members of our development team. Given an Effective Exhaust Velocity ("EEV") governed by the equation c=Fg/W, and a propellant flow rate (W) of 65 vph, what did you find to be the minimum effective thrust (F), given gravity acceleration at sea level? I've been running computer simulations that yield values as low as 211 lb., but my colleague, Dr. A.G. Thomas, insists his calculation of 254 lb is correct. We'd like to come to a mathematical conclusion on paper before we conduct a test launch and risk a failure or (even if the chances are exceedingly small for a properly prepared rocket experiment) an explosion. Your input would be most welcome.

Very truly yours,
Rudy Dominguez, Ph.D.

Rudy,
In the spirit of scientific camaraderie, I'm happy to help. My first piece of advice is to abandon this so-called "X-Prize" contest. Jet packs should not be developed to win some petty cash prize. Creating jet packs is the Lord's work; they should not be bent to the nefarious purposes of demon-barons like Richard Branson. For that matter, I simply do not believe in nonsensical equations like your "c=Fg/W." Mathematical equations are dreamed up by godless men who wish only to distract us from the true Answer: Prayer + Frequent Deep-Gorge Testing = Success.
On your current path, you simply cannot succeed. Please contact me when you have abandoned your fool's errand; you could be useful to our efforts here in Iowa. Thank you for your question!

Peace & Love,
Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum

From: gojays@*******.com
To: dr.shrum@projectjetpack.com
Subject: Wellness programs

Dear Doctor Shrum,
I commend you on your success in fund raising for your project. I wonder if you've considered focusing your spending on health and wellness programs for the obese, rather than on a jet pack they would use only after they've fallen ill, and then only when they've done so in a gorge. Most physicians agree that all but the most afflicted (one in five, perhaps) can benefit from a steady regimen of exercise. There is a conspicuous lack of facilities for the obese poor to work out, though, which is something your group could surely help with.

-Jay Vendershere

Jay,
It's easy for people who have never been obese or stranded in a gorge to downplay the importance of deep-gorge rescue of the medically needy. I assure you, if I was meant to develop gyms and work-out equipment, the Lord would have told me so, loud and clear. And I simply dispute your numbers. For every one person who tells me they could benefit from exercise, ten more tell me of their crying needs for an emergency solitary flight solution. When you earn your doctorate in Aeronautical Engineering, then maybe you can tell people how to allocate their resources. Until then, try to get your facts straight. Thank you for your question!

Peace, Love & the Good Lord's Graces to You,
Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum

From: herbertmcgerbert@gmail.com
To: dr.shrum@gmail.com
Subject: the good work you do

Greetings Dr. Shrum,
I write to tell you that ten of my friends and family members have all come to me with the word that they are in dire need of an emergency solitary flight solution, and not for empty promises regarding the effects of exercise. (These are just the facts). My question is: won't you be continuing the Lord's work to bring this unprecedented scientific advance to the obese Americans that need it?

With kindest regards, I am,

Sincerely yours,

Herbert F. McGerbert
Managing Partner
McGerbert & Associates Public Relations
44 120th St. NW
Swisher, IA 52338
herbertmcgerbert@gmail.com

Dearest Herbert,
What choice do we have but to follow God's plan? If, to a 10-to-1 ratio, people need jet packs instead of Soloflexes, of course I will continue on this all-important mission. Thank you for your question!

Peace, Love, Grace, and the Lord Jesus Christ's Eternal Blessing to You and Your Kin From Now Until the Rapture,
Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum

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Hypothetical Exercises in Fuel Systems Management

Let's say a certain somebody, let's call him Shmerb, declared that the services of a certain drug rehabilitation center, let's call it the Shmopiate Shmaddiction Unit, were insufficiently reliant on the lessons and theories of the bible and the prophets going back to Abraham. So Shmerb, in his abundant biblical wisdom, declared that a certain jet pack development organization would no longer pay the health insurance premiums for its Director of Fuel Systems, who was subsequently forced to sign himself out from the Smopiate Shmaddiction Unit, where he was undergoing much-needed treatment for an all-consuming addiction to Shmeroin. That Director of Fuel Systems is instead now supposed to rely on the "light of the Lord, as experienced through sustained sessions of prayer and silent reflection, to rid yourself of this terrible, heathen addition, borne of Satan himself."

Entirely unrelated to the preceding hypothetical exercise, I have returned from my educational hiatus to my position as Director of Fuel Systems at Project Jet Pack. Despite the unqualified success of the previous fuel system design, I have been tasked with designing an injector arrangement with lower potential blast disintegration, and I have been experimenting to that end.

One might ask if there is any scientific basis for diluting jet pack jet fuel with human urine. The answer to that question is this: when you dilute the jet fuel with something free, you then have extra jet fuel which you could, if you so chose, sell to someone else. What would one sell siphoned jet fuel for? Hypothethically? Well, it's hard to say. But, since we're just speculating, I suppose you could, hypothetically, trade jet fuel for shmeroin.

Lots and lots of shmeroin.

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Project Jet Pack Successfully Concludes Region-Wide Jet Pack Road Show

IOWA CITY, Iowa--(BUSINESS WIRE)--January 15, 2008--

Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack today announced the successful conclusion of its region-wide investor's road show. The road show saw capacity crowds in places as far north as Owatonna, Minnesota, and also made stops at locations as diverse as the Jesus Christ Baptist Church of Ord in Ord, Nebraska, and Christ's Muscatine Baptist Church in Muscatine, Iowa.

Attendees of the road show were enthralled by Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's account of Project Jet Pack's successful test launch of the prototype Haeftaeman™/Bell Aerosystems Design Medical Lift-Response Jet Pack, and investors rushed to contribute substantial sums to finance subsequent rounds of development and testing.

At the end of the final road show at the First Waterloo Baptist Church of the Lord Jesus in Waterloo, Iowa, Dr. Shrum addressed reporters covering the event with the following closing statement:

"With the good Lord's help, Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack, and I, Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum, can now offer you, the believers, the opportunity to take part in bringing solitary flight solutions to the ordinary Americans that need them. In doing so, we can guarantee a return of 100 percent on your investment. God is on our side in bringing about this major advancement, which is why Project Jet Pack can promise that it will, at a minimum, double your money within one year. One year, one hundred percent! That's better than any old Googly Yahoo stock or Treasury Bond. With your prayers, that's our pledge to you."

For investor opportunities with Project Jet Pack, please contact dr.shrum@projectjetpack.com. Please note that Dr. Jacob Robert Shrum's Project Jet Pack does not guarantee any rate of return, refund of principal, or written receipt of investment.

MEDIA CONTACT:
McGerbert & Associates Public Relations
Herbert F. McGerbert
Managing Partner
44 120th St. NW
Swisher, IA 52338
pr@projectjetpack.com
http://www.projectjetpack.com/

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